


True Love Is A Pain In My Ass

by Miffy



Series: Roses Are Blue, Violets Are Red [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Multi, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-05-12 11:10:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5664004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miffy/pseuds/Miffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>When I was younger, my parents told me that if you’re lucky, you get a soulmark. </i><br/> </p><p>  <i>Having a soulmark means that you have the chance of a life filled with the most sought after type of love on earth. True love. </i> </p><p>OR</p><p>The one where Katniss Everdeen’s soulmate is the one guy she cannot stand – Peeta Mellark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

When I was younger, my parents told me that if you’re lucky, you get a soulmark.

A soulmark is an image that appears on your body the night before your 17th birthday. It tells you if you have a soulmate and can help you find him or her, because that person has the exact same image on the exact same spot.

So having a soulmark means that you have the chance of a life filled with the most sought after type of love on earth. True love.

No one really knows why or how people get the mark, but as a young girl I asked my parents many times and they always told me the same story. A story the Greeks and Romans came up with as an explanation.

 _‘Legends say that the Gods created the world and filled it with life. They filled our world with the most wonderful flowers and majestic animals and after some time they decided to create us. Humans. But the first humans didn’t look like how we look now. They had 4 arms, 4 legs and 4 eyes’_ my father used to tell me when he tucked me in, _‘After a while the almighty Gods, that ruled the world from above, regretted their decision. The humans they had created were too strong so they tore them in half. That’s when soulmates arose. See, the first humans only had one soul, so when the Gods tore them in half, humans were doomed to live with half a soul and were condemned to spend their lives looking for the other half. So they could be complete again._  
_The Gods watched as the humans searched and searched and started to pity the ones who were unlucky and remained incomplete. They saw how unhappy and miserable those humans were and in an act of kindness they gave humans a soulmark. They gave the humans who are destined for true love a fair chance of finding it’_

It was a story I loved hearing as a child, but that was all it was of course – a story, not something that was actually true or commonly believed to be correct.

What _is_ of common believe is that a soulmark is a blessing.

But whoever says that is wrong. A soulmark isn’t a blessing – it’s a curse. The people who don’t get one are the lucky ones.

My parents were soulmates and shared the same soulmark. I don’t think I ever saw one that was prettier than the one my parents had on their shoulder blades. It was an image of 8 tiny maple leafs that seemed to dance across their shoulders. Driven by the wind to go look for the other soul that would make them complete, bring them true love.

Every one of the leaves had a different colour. The leaf on the right was a bright orange and the stream ended with a leaf on their left that was a warm red. Their soulmark was even detailed with think black lines and just like every other soulmark it shimmered like a diamond in the sunlight.

As a child I always wished that when I woke up on my seventeenth birthday I would find a soulmark on my body as pretty as theirs. I wanted the type of love that my parents had for each other. The unconditional and selfless true love you share with your soulmate.

But all of that changed on a Wednesday night when I was 15 years old. It started out as a night no different than any other one. I was making my homework at the dinner table, accompanied by the soft sounds of a TV show my mother and sister were seeing. My dad worked as a firefighter and my mother was a doctor, so it wasn’t odd that one of them worked at night.

I was in deep concentration, trying to block out the noise of the TV when I got startled by a loud and sudden sound. Not just a sound, but a _yelp_. My _mother’s_ yelp.

Both Prim and I immediately turned our attention to my mother who jumped up in a panic.

‘My back! My back!’ she yelled. ‘Katniss check my back!’

I hurried over to my mother and lifted up her shirt so I could witness the cause of her distress. Right there, in front of my own eyes, I saw her soulmark, eight, tiny, colourful maple leaves, disappearing.

‘No!’ I cried out. ‘It’s gone. Your soulmark is gone!’

When someone’s soulmark starts to hurt and then fades away, it can only mean one thing. It means your soulmate is dead.

It meant my dad died just a moment ago.

My mom collapsed on the floor in a sobbing mess and in a way, she never really stood up again.

Seeing how my mother turned into a shell of her former self and how the life in her bright blue eyes just fizzled out when her soulmark had disappeared, made me realise how dangerous these marks really are. Soulmates love each other way too much and are way too dependable on one another. If your true love dies, there aren’t a lot of reasons to live anymore.

It’s not strange that the percentage of divorces is almost null, but the rates of suicide are very high.

My dad died and in a way my mom did too. The only difference was that her heart was still beating, but she was just as incapable of taking care of Prim and me as my dead father.

I tried my best to take care of my mother. I fed her, I clothed her, I showered her while I begged her to wake up from the depression she had, but there’s only so much a 15 year old can do while also taking care of her sister and working two jobs.

I would never admit this, but when a family friend and Prim and my godfather Haymitch Abernathy started taking care of us and admitted my mother to a mental institution, it was a relief.

So that’s what true love brought me. A dead father and a broken mother.

From that day forward I started wishing I would be like Haymitch. A person without a soulmark and without a soulmate. Or a Blank Soul, as they called themselves. I didn’t want a soulmate if it meant that death was more merciful than losing true love was. Besides, I didn’t need one. I had Prim. She was my sister, my best friend and my person and the love I felt for her was more than enough. I didn’t need more than the love she gave me and the friendship I shared with Gale.

Gale.

My other best friend who was two years older than I am and who got a soulmark six months after my dad passed away. A bright blue feather that swirled around his ankle. I didn’t know if I had to condole or congratulate him when he showed me, but he seemed really happy so I went with the latter.

‘He hopes it’s you’ Prim informed me a couple of weeks later.

We were sitting on the couch together waiting for Haymitch to wrap up dinner. Prim was watching some show on MTV and I was reading a detective.

‘Who hopes what?’ I asked absently while I turned a page.

‘Gale. He hopes you are his soulmate’ Prim answered and I could feel her gaze on me.

‘Really? Because just yesterday he told me he hoped it was Taylor Swift’ I said unimpressed.

‘Katniss!’ Prim exclaimed annoyed. She tried to get my attention by kicking my leg. When I looked up, she said ‘He’s in love with you’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Right. Do you have this on good authority?’

‘Yes. Gale told Rory and Rory told me’

I gave my sister a noncommittal ‘Hmmm..’ and returned to my book.

‘Well?’ she asked impatient.

‘Well what?’

‘How does that make you feel? That Gale hopes you get a blue feather on your ankle when you turn seventeen?’

I sighed heavily and dropped my book in my lap. ‘I don’t know Prim, okay? I don’t like Gale like that and I still hope that I’m a Blank Soul like Haymitch’

‘You don’t mean that’ Prim whispered and she looked a little hurt.

‘I do’ I said stubbornly.

‘I’ll bet you ten bucks that you’re a Marked Soul. You have too much love in your heart to not get a soulmate’ my sweet sister said.

She meant it well, but her comment infuriated me and I turned my gaze back at her. ‘What are you implying Prim? That Blank Souls don’t have love in their hearts? Because I’m pretty sure Haymitch, a Blank Soul, loves us more than our own mother, a Marked Soul, does’ I spit in a loud angry tone.

I could see Prim well up and I immediately regretted my outburst. ‘That’s not true! Mom loves us!’ she jumped off the couch and ran to her room.

I followed her, but Haymitch stopped me to tell me dinner was ready and called Prim down.

Dinner was a quiet affair that night.

Later that evening I went to my sister to apologise. I told her that I knew mom loved us and that I loved our mom. That I just missed her and was angry with her, but that I didn’t blame her for her depression. I told Prim my biggest secret. That I was scared of losing my soulmate just like mom had lost dad and that was why I would rather not have one.

Prim understood, but didn’t agree with me. She’s a romantic, I’m a realist. ‘Losing dad may have broken mom, but before that, they were really happy. More happy then anyone ever was. Don’t you want that?’

‘Not if the price of losing is that high’ I said while I stared at my folded hands.

We were silent for a moment before Prim wrapped her arms around me.

‘I love you’ she whispered.

‘I love you too’ I told her back.

 

* * *

 

 

After Prim told me about Gale’s supposed feelings, I started to notice things. The way he looked at me, the lingering touches, the way he smiled and winked at me. What I also noticed – and what hit me like a ton of bricks – was that I didn’t mind.

Gale was marked, which meant he was destined to have a soulmate and he was in love with _me_. That could mean _I_ was his soulmate. Gale was my best friend and I cared deeply for him and I wouldn’t be surprised if that would one day grow into more.

The words my sister spoke to me came rushing back to me. _‘They were really happy. More happy then anyone ever was. Don’t you want that?’_ The way my parents looked and acted around each other came back vividly to me.

But then I looked around my bedroom. The tiny room I got when we moved into Haymitch’ house because we needed to sell my childhood home to cover the bills for the mental institution. My eyes landed on a picture of me and my family we took the summer before my dad passed away and we lost our mom to her own grief.

The sound of my sister’s cries penetrated my room.

No, I didn’t want what my parents once had anymore.

I got out of my desk chair and went to comfort my sister.

 

* * *

 

 

In May I celebrated my 16th birthday. It was the first birthday without my parents, so I didn’t want to throw a party. I actually didn’t want to celebrate at all, but Prim insisted and she was my only weakness, so..

Haymitch gave me a new phone and when I told him that it was way too much and I couldn’t accept it, he told me not to be a brat and that the cell was also my birthday gift for next year.

Prim gave me a book I really wanted, but it was Gale’s gift that got me to reconsider my no-dating policy. What he had given me was so beautiful, so _me_ , that it really showed me how much he cared for me and how well he knew me.

Gale had woven me a bracelet of dark brown leather and on the clasp was a round green stone. It was gorgeous.

Two weeks later I kissed him and he kissed me back.

 

* * *

 

 

In the summer I got a new co-worker at the ice shop I worked at. Her name was Annie Cresta and she was a nice and shy girl. The better I got to know her, the more I liked her and because she didn’t really know anyone in town since she just moved here, she kind of gravitated to me.

When Rue, Prim and I were going to the lake on a warm summer day, I asked Annie along and that day we bonded over our crappy co-workers, our love for old horror movies and an absent parent.

That day a lifelong friendship was born.

 

* * *

 

 

It started out well, Gale and my relationship. We had been friends our entire life, so now we just added romance and kisses to the mix.

But we just didn’t work. We fought more as a couple then we ever had as just friends and to be honest I didn’t quite feel what people said you are supposed to feel when you’re in love. We both had a strong fire in us and instead of warming each other, we torched all the good we shared and went up in flames.

It was eight months after we started dating, in January, that we ended things.

‘I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like this’ Gale had said.

‘I _know_ it’s not supposed to feel like this’ I said and a tear escaped me.

‘I don’t think you’ll be waking up in May with a blue feather on your ankle’ he said with a sad smile.

I chuckled and wiped the tear away. I didn’t know why my eyes were wet, it wasn’t because of a broken heart or because I was sad Gale wasn’t my soulmate. It had probably more to do with the feeling of failure – I _hated_ it when I failed – and with the guilt I felt for letting Gale think (and for a while, myself as well) that I could be his soulmate. I knew how he couldn’t wait to have that love. ‘No, but we’ll still be friends, right?’ I asked in a hopeful tone.

Gale gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. ‘We’ll always be friends Catnip’ he promised me, but he didn’t sound convinced.

We parted on good terms, but the months after that we didn’t see each other much. In fact, it was on my 17th birthday when we found out for certain I wasn’t his soulmate that our friendship went back to the way it once was.

When I texted Annie that Gale and I had broken up, she showed up on my doorstep with my favourite ice cream and we watched a scary movie together. It was a good night and the next day the only thing I was sad about was the fact that we didn’t have ice cream anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

All around Annie and me people turned 17 and got a soulmark.

Leevy Henderson from our history class woke up with a big purple mandala on her left hand.

Cato Fields, the big bad ass quarterback who was kind of a bully was the talk of the school when he was marked with three pink roses on his leg. He didn’t really look happy with his soulmark and the petulant face he made, made Annie and I snicker.

Thresh Reed, my partner in chemistry, got a scorpion on his stomach. It was yellow with green contours and he seemed happy and quite proud. I was glad for him, he was a nice guy.

And then there were the people who woke up empty, who weren’t marked by a soulmark and were now Blank Souls like Clove Summers. The poor girl looked heart broken and when she started crying in the library, she was comforted by a friends who had blue water drops on her finger nails. ‘Your mark can still come’ the friend whispered soothingly.

She was right, but it was a chance of less than 5 percent. Sometimes someone got a soulmark later in life when their new soulmate had just lost their first one, but it was extremely rare.

Clove nodded and wiped away her tears.

‘She’s lucky’ I whispered. At least Clove was spared the feeling of losing true love and she could live her life for herself, instead of spending a lifetime looking for your true love like some people were doomed to do. She had an independent soul without a big and obvious weakness.

‘She’s not’ Annie disagreed.

Annie was the daughter of two Blank Souls who decided to give it a go and got divorced after a disastrous marriage, so Annie wished nothing more than to have a soulmate and to get the love her parents were both denied.

Her case was the exact opposite of mine.

Annie sighed and she had a sombre look in her eyes. ‘She really isn’t’ she muttered.

At that moment I send a silent prayer to whoever was in charge of those damn soulmarks. _Even though I don’t see the appeal, please,_ please _, give Annie one. If there’s one person who deserves a soulmark, it’s sweet, loyal Annie._

 

* * *

 

 

Annie was nervous as hell the night before her 17th birthday. She asked me to stay over and we got tipsy on wine coolers. I had stocked Annie’s fridge with her favourite ice cream in case the upcoming morning didn’t fulfil Annie’s greatest wish so we could gave an ice cream breakfast. I knew the strawberry cheesecake ice wouldn’t quell her pain at all, but at least it was something.

‘What if I don’t get one?’ Annie whispered when we were all tucked in and I was ready to fall asleep. ‘Just like my parents..’

‘It doesn’t mean you’re not loved Annie or that you’ll never be loved again’ I reminded her.

‘I know..’

‘Let’s just wait till my birthday’ I began. ‘If we’re both Blank Souls, we’ll just spend the rest of our lives together. We’ll go backpacking through Europe, skydiving in South-America and concert hopping through the States and if we’re both single when we’re 30 we’ll marry each other and adopt a kid’

I could see Annie smile. ‘What about sex?’

‘I’m open minded’ I said smiling.

Annie chuckled. ‘Won’t you miss a dick?’

‘Nah, Gale was better with his hands than he was with his dick’

Annie laughed and I joined her.

‘Thank you Katniss’ she whispered when I drifted to sleep.

~~~~♥♥♥♥♥♥

 

The next morning I was awoken by Annie her screams. First I was in a panic. _She didn’t get one._ But then I saw the biggest grin in my life while she stared at her wrist.

‘I got one’ she said and her eyes welled up with happy tears. ‘I got one!’ she yelled excitedly.

My eyes found Annie’s soulmark on her wrist. It was a turtle in different shades of green and when it got hit by the morning light, it sparkled. ‘O my God..’ I whispered. ‘You got a soulmark!’ I yelled excitedly. I wrapped my friend in a hug and congratulated her. ‘I’m so happy for you..’

We did have our ice cream breakfast that morning, but now because we had two things to celebrate. Annie’s birthday and her soulmark.

‘I’m kind of sad we don’t get to live that awesome Blank Soul life you described last night’ Annie said, but her eyes still harboured her excited and relieved glint.

I waved her concerns away. ‘We can still do that’

Annie wiggled her eyebrows. ‘Really? Even the sex and adopting a kid?’ she joked before she burst out in a fit of laughter.

‘I was talking about the backpacking and skydiving part, I’m not _that_ open minded’ I answered grinning.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s funny that when you look forward to something time always seems to pass at an excruciating low pace. Like when you’re in your last class, only an hour before you can finally go home, the clock just seems to mock you. Or when you’re just a week away from a break, the days seem extra-long.

However, time does seem to move rapidly when you’re dreading something. The end of summer. The week before important tests. The last song at a concert you’ve spend months looking forward to.

My last couple of months before I turned 17 and fate had decided for me if I was blessed or cursed.

It seemed that in a blink of an eye it was May 16th. My last day on this earth where I would only be Katniss Everdeen. Not Katniss Everdeen, Marked or Katniss Everdeen, Blank Soul. The last day I wouldn’t live in a blissful oblivion, instead of being damned by fate.

Annie was supposed to aid my misery with wine and ice cream, but she got the flu a couple of days earlier, so my sweet 15 year old sister had to take over the task (minus the wine of course). We had ourselves a little Harry Potter marathon until we couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer.

Prim had made me promise her to wake her when I had found out if I was Marked or not and after a goodnight hug we went to bed.

 

~~~~♥♥♥♥♥♥

 

For a second there I forgot what day it was when I woke up the next morning, but the soothing oblivion was quickly replaced by a wild beating heart.

The first thing I checked were my bare legs (I only ever slept in a baggy shirt). There was no blue feather on my ankle, but that wasn’t a big surprise and to be honest it was a relief as well.

The next thing I did was holding my hands in front of me. There was nothing on my hands, wrists nor on my arms.

A thought crossed my mind that made my hands rush to my face. _What if it’s on my face?! That’d be a disaster!_ I once saw a girl with a strawberry on her face, so it wasn’t impossible.

I sprinted to the bathroom and locked myself in. To my utter relief there wasn’t a banana on my face or anything else when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I was still blank.

There were only a couple of places on my body I could have a soulmark. On my torso or on my ass. I decided to check my torso first.

I lifted my shirt and when I had lifted it over my head I saw it. A soulmark. My soulmark.

I was so shocked that I forgot to move for a couple of minutes while I just stared at my mark, so my arms were still hanging in the air with my shirt wrapped around them. I must’ve looked like an idiot, but I was the only one there and I had other things to worry about then to not look like an ass in front of myself.

It was just below my left collarbone.

A flying bird, a linnet to be precise, and it was as large as my palm.

While my eyes took in the – my – soulmark, I noticed the lack of colour. Ninety-one percent of the soulmarks had colour, only nine percent were in black and/or grey. My bird didn’t have a splash of colour.

It looked like someone had sketched it on my skin with a very dark pencil and had filled it with a softer grey.

On closer look I saw how realistic it looked and how detailed it was. It had an eye, a mouth, feathers with all different shades of grey. This really was a soulmark out of a billion and it was stuck on me.

I burst out in tears and I couldn’t stop and didn’t know what to do, so I just went to bed and covered myself in my sheets.

I think I was in my bed for about ten seconds before Prim barged into my room. ‘Katniss, I heard you shut your door. Wait- Katniss, are you crying?’ she asked and I could hear a light panic reflected in her voice. ‘Didn’t you get marked?’ she whispered while she sat down on my bed and soothingly stroked my hair.

‘No’ I managed to say between sobs.

Prim misunderstood me. ‘Katniss, I’m so sorry. But always remember that you’re loved nonetheless’

‘No Prim, I did get marked’ and my whole started to shake due to my cries.

‘What? O my God Katniss, that’s amazing! Congratulations!’ she said excitedly and she tore my blankets off me. ‘Where is it?’

I wanted to tell my sister to go away and let me be, but she looked so happy that I didn’t have the heart to do so. I pulled down the neck of my shirt so she could see my black and grey linnet.

Her jaw practically dropped on the floor and her eyes grew as wide as saucers. ‘It’s _black_ ’

‘Yeah, I know’ I whined.

Prim came closer to study my mark and even traced it with her fingers. ‘Wow..’ she was in awe. ‘It’s gorgeous..’ she looked back up to me and smiled brightly at me. ‘I don’t think I ever saw a black one in real life’

‘Me neither’ I sniffed and I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

‘I wonder what it means. That you don’t have a soulmark with colour’ Prim said and I could see her mind spinning in her eyes.

‘Probably that the Gods ran out of colour’ I replied sarcastically.

Prim ignored my comment and started typing something on her cell. ‘Listen to this’ Prim said and she read out loud what she had found.

 _‘It is to be believed that the more complex (multiple colours, with details or multiple symbols) a soulmark is, the truer the love is. However there are Marked people who have a colourless mark. Having a soulmark with no colour is very rare. Only nine percent of the world population has a soulmark that is black or black with grey.’_ Prim looked up to me to remind me that was how my bird looked like, before she continued. _‘These colourless marks don’t indicate a colourless love. No, legends say that when you’re marked with black, you’re destined for a love as great as Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy’_

Prim squealed excitedly. ‘Katniss, did you hear that?! You’re destined for a love as famous as Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy!’

I stubbornly crossed my arms. ‘That’s horrible! Did you even read both of does stories?’ I scoffed. ‘In Romeo and Juliet they both die and take multiple people with them 3 days after they meet and Elizabeth and Darcy hated each other at the beginning! It took Elizabeth 300 pages to actually _like_ the guy’

Prim waved off my concerns. ‘You’re not going to _live_ does stories, you’re going to get a love as passionate as theirs was!’ she said, her excitement never wavering.

‘Said who?’ I demanded.

Prim checked her source. ‘Wikipedia’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Prim, Wikipedia is not a reliable source’

‘I know, but the story was nice’ she said smiling.

‘The story was stupid’ I muttered stubbornly.

‘You’re stupid!’ Prim counted and she burst out in laughter.

I hadn’t heard my sister laugh like that in way too long, so my lips turned into a smile.

Haymitch interrupted us when he walked into my room. ‘Good, you’re both awake. Happy birthday, sweetheart. Did you get marked?’ he didn’t beat around the bush and sat down in my desk chair.

‘I did’

‘Congratulations sweetheart, that’s great’

‘It’s not-‘

‘Yes it is!’ Haymitch angrily interrupted me and he pointed a finger at me. ‘You think love is weakness after you saw your mother fall apart, but love is strength and this big old world is a cold, lonely and hard place without it. Take it from someone who’s cursed in being a Blank Soul! I’m not saying I was never loved in my life or that I don’t love the two of you, but I would’ve gladly given my arm if it meant I would get the type of love in my life you are blessed with of getting someday’

We were all silent for a moment after Haymitch’ speech before he opened his mouth again. ‘So, how does it look like?'

When I showed Haymitch my soulmark, he almost fell off my chair because he was laughing so hard. ‘I can’t believe it! The only person in this world who wants to be a Blank Soul gets a black soulmark! HAHAHAHAAA!’ the man had to catch his breath and had to wipe the tears off his cheeks.

I jumped out of bed to get myself my ice cream breakfast and replied to Annie and Gale’s texts saying that as of today I had a bird under my collarbone.

I didn’t tell them what colour – they wouldn’t have believed me anyway.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Katniss is blessed with the most epic kind of love <3 
> 
> In the next chapter a certain curly blond stranger appears on stage, but their opinions of each other leave much to be desired.. ;) 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and please let me know if you did! :) xx


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine, enjoy! :-*

Gale and Annie both couldn’t believe their eyes when they saw my mark. Annie was so thrilled, it wouldn’t have surprised me if she had exploded in a pile of glitter. Gale just seemed star struck, which was even worse..

I still hated it and told everyone who asked that I was marked with a yellow butterfly.

I didn’t openly complain anymore – at least not to Haymitch – but I did make everyone promise to keep my black bird a secret. I didn’t want to become some sort of attraction.

I actively tried to hide my mark. My already conservative clothes left even more to the imagination since I now refused to wear shirts with a neckline that went below my collarbone. I even bought olive toned foundation so I could cover it up just in case and my new favourite accessory were scarfs.

My 17th birthday had seemed to woken up my mother. At least to an extent.

It was the first time she had asked us something since we lost dad.

Her eyes landed on me immediately when Prim, Haymitch and I walked in. ‘Happy birthday Katniss’ she spoke in a soft voice. It almost sounded like her old voice, it just missed the life it used to harbour. I didn’t remind my mom my birthday had been 4 days prior to the visit and just thanked her. ‘Did you get marked?’ she gave me a small smile.

‘Yes’ I whispered.

‘Can I see it?’ she asked tentatively.

I showed her my mark and was surprised by her emotionless reaction. She wasn’t overly excited, surprised or proud. She just nodded and whispered that she thought it was gorgeous before she turned back into her own head.

Prim started telling her about her week at school after a moment of silence, but my mark had gotten to my mother and the ghosts of her past brought her to hysterics. The nurses needed to sedate her and brought her back to her room. The three of us went home.

That visit was only a reminder of how cursed I was, so I tried to smother my bird with even more foundation.

 

* * *

 

 

A week before the end of junior year I heard Leevy and Clove gossiping about me in the restrooms.

I was peeing and minding my own business when they walked in to – probably – reapply their make-up.

‘I was wondering..’ I heard Clove say. ‘Have you ever seen Katniss’ soulmark?’

‘No, why?’ Leevy asked.

‘Don’t you think it’s odd she doesn’t want to show it to anyone?’

‘That’s her business Clove’ Leevy said, sounding uninterested.

‘What if it’s something embarrassing?’ Clove continued and she laughed a mean laugh.

‘Why would someone be embarrassed of their soulmark? It’s not like you can change it and it sends you away to find your soulmate’

‘I don’t know, maybe she’s just lying’ Clove implied and her voice was laced with both jealousy and hopefulness. Yes, it would be quite a story if I was indeed lying about having a soulmark, but not as big as a story as having a black one is.

‘About having a soulmark? No, I don’t think Katniss would do that. She’d be honest’ Leevy said.

Clove laughed. ‘It’d be quite spectacular if she was lying though’

‘I doubt she is. I get why she doesn’t want to flaunt her mark in everyone’s faces. It really is something personal. If my soulmark wasn’t on my hand, but somewhere under my clothes, I don’t think I would show it to everyone either’

They were both quiet for a second.

‘Whatever’ Clove hissed and she stormed out of the restroom. Leevy followed her out and I got out of my stall and washed my hands.

I scowled at the mirror. I didn’t care what Clove thought. I refused to tell people the truth and become some sort of celebrity or zoo animal for people to point at and whisper about. Clove and her ulterior motives of making me a laughing stock could go to hell. As far as people were concerned, I had a yellow butterfly on my collarbone.

 

* * *

 

 

The summer before senior year was a lot like the summer before that. At least the beginning was.

Annie and I worked a lot at the ice cream shop, we spend many free days at the lake with Prim, Rue, Rory and Gale, and Annie and I did some volunteer work to improve our college applications. I visited my mother a couple of times and she still was as silent as the year before. She hadn’t spoken again after her question about my soulmark, but that was probably a good thing.

Just like the previous summer, Annie went to the cost to visit her grandma for a week who lived in a small town called Salt Haven.

But unlike last time, she met her soulmate.

She was lying on the beach with a book in her hand when a turtle was making its way over to her with a hat in his mouth. Annie told me it was quite a funny site, but the redhead who was running after it, made it especially hilarious.

‘Stop the thief!’ he yelled smiling and Annie obliged.

She managed to retrieve the guy’s hat and when she handed his ‘stolen’ property back to him, he inhaled sharply and his smile dropped off his face. Instead of accepting his hat, he carefully took her wrist in his hand and stroked her soulmark with his thumb.

His face broke out into a grin and he quickly showed her his soulmark. A turtle in different shades of green, just like Annie’s.

That’s how Annie Cresta met Finnick Odair, her soulmate.

‘He seems really nice’ Annie told me that same night over the phone. ‘I obviously don’t know him really well yet, but he seems like a great guy’

I could hear the smile in her voice.

‘You think everyone’s nice and I doubt he wanted to give his _soulmate_ a bad first impression’ I laughed. ‘I can’t believe you met your soulmate Annie! I’m so happy for you!’

‘I never expected it to be this soon, but I’m definitely not complaining’ Annie chuckled.

The rest of our phone call was spend by Annie telling me about Finnick. He was two years older than the both of us and going to be a sophomore in college. He was studying marine sciences at Panem U on the other side of the country, but Salt Haven was his hometown and he went back every summer.

‘When are you going to see him again?’ I asked.

‘Tomorrow’ Annie answered. ‘Finnick is going to teach me how to surf’

‘Well have fun on your date Ann’ I said smiling.

‘It’s not a date!’ Annie immediately objected. ‘At least I don’t think it is.. We’re just getting to know each other’

‘Just.. be safe okay?’ I asked. I was thrilled for Annie for finding her soulmate, but I still knew the dark side of it all, so I couldn’t help the worry I felt. ‘And say hi to your Nanna from me’

‘Don’t worry Kat, I’ll be fine’ Annie promised me. ‘And she says hi back’

 

Annie decided to stay a week longer at her grandma’s so she could spend more time with Finnick, but that week eventually ended too and she had to go back home.

The night before she left, Finnick took her on their first date.

They made a romantic walk on the beach and had a nice picnic on the place they met while they admired the sun setting in the sea.

Finnick put his arm around Annie and she leaned in. ‘I’m going to miss you’ she said.

‘Not for long, I promise’ he said and then he kissed her.

 

~~~~♥♥♥♥♥♥

 

‘It was perfect’ Annie told me when she got home. She had a dreamy look in her eyes and a content smile on her face ‘The setting sun in the background, the seagulls flying in the sky, the sound of the waves..’ she trailed off, lost again in her favourite memory. ‘It was the perfect first kiss..’

She snapped out of it again and looked me in my eyes. ‘But it was only that perfect because it was with Finnick, you know? If it had been with someone else, it would’ve been great too, but it was with him – _that_ made it perfect. Even if our first kiss had been next to a dumpster, it still would have been the best kiss ever..’ Annie started to blush. ‘Am I making any sense?’

I laughed. ‘You’re a hopeless romantic Annie Cresta’

She chuckled and put her face in her hands. ‘God help me, but I am..’

 

* * *

 

 

July turned into August, what turned into September and summer turned into early fall. The change of seasons meant the schools were opening again and for Annie and me it meant that we were now seniors.

It was all very exciting, for people like Clove and Leevy. Annie and I were more looking forward to making killer college application and getting in a good college, than we were at going to prom or being the oldest at our school.

But Annie having already met her soulmate changed her plans. We always talked about getting into NYU together, but now there was only one school on her list – Panem University, or any other school that was in its area. And since Panem U was in California, NYU became a forgotten dream to her.

I understood that she wanted to go to the school her soulmate attended and I didn’t blame her, but I was disappointed. NYU had been our goal, our dream – the reason for all those long hours spend studying, working, volunteering, etc.

Annie convinced me to apply to Panem U as well, because we still really wanted to go to the same college, but I told her Panem U wasn’t my first choice. NYU still was.

She looked disappointed, but that quickly turned into determination. Annie was determined to convince me what a great school Panem U was, how great California was, how amazing living together at dorms would be.

Her long speeches made me smile. If I ever doubted for a moment that she loved me any less now that she was with Finnick, I was wrong. I was still her best friend. I was still her person.

So I tagged along with Annie to Panem U for a weekend where I met Finnick for the second time when he showed us around. He gave us a campus tour, took us to some of his classes and showed us Panem City. Even Finnick tried his best to persuade me to come study there.

I was impressed. The campus wasn’t big or very well-known, but the classes were excellent and the science department looked like something out my wildest dreams. The professors seemed like they knew what they were talking about and even the students seemed nice.

Then there was the added bonus of California weather – always sunny and warm. I also loved the scent of the sea in the air.

Walking over the campus of Panem U made something inside me click. It felt like I could be at home there, that I belonged there. It felt like I was being pulled towards the place by some strange force.

It was weird.

‘So what did you think?’ Annie asked me on the plane ride home.

‘It was better than I expected’ I answered and Annie just laughed and shook her head. She knew me well enough to know what I was thinking.

 

* * *

 

 

The year flew by. College applications were send, Annie and I went to prom with Finnick and Gale, graduation happened and we both got accepted at Panem University.

I also got accepted at NYU, but Panem U was calling my name. They were also offering me a scholarship, which was a definite plus and made the decision even easier.

For my 18th birthday and as a graduating gift I got Haymitch’s old car.

We got into the same fight we get at all my birthdays.

‘Haymitch this is too much. I can’t accept this’ I objected.

‘God, you’re like a broken record.. Do you ever get tired of yourself?’ Haymitch said annoyed. ‘I know I do..’

‘I do too’ Prim agreed.

I ignored my sister. ‘Then don’t get me such ridiculously expensive gifts!’ I countered.

Haymitch rolled his eyes at me. ‘Listen sweetheart, you _deserve_ this car. You _need_ this car. I wanted to buy a new one anyway, so why can’t I give you my old one?’

‘Because it’s _not_ old. It’s only 3 years young. It’s too much Haymitch!’

‘That means it’s a good and safe car _and_ you can spend the next ten years driving it’ Haymitch sighed. ‘Don’t be a brat and accept it as your birthday and graduation gift’

‘Yeah, don’t be so ungrateful Katniss’ Prim said scowling. ‘Haymitch just gave you a _car_!’

‘I’m not ungrateful..’ I said in a soft tone. All the fight had left me. I couldn’t stand the thought of Haymitch thinking I was unappreciative after everything he had done for Prim and me. ‘I’m not ungrateful’ I assured him, in a somewhat desperate tone.

Haymitch laughed. ‘I know, don’t worry sweetheart – I know’ he shoved the keys in my hands. ‘Take the car’

‘Thank you’ I whispered in his embrace. 

 

* * *

 

 

A few days before I left for Panem U, we went to visit my mom again.

I told her about Panem U and that I was going to study Earth Sciences.

She smiled and told me in a soft voice that she was proud of me. It was the third response we got from her since the beginning of summer. She seemed to be improving.

Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by my sister, who was over the moon.

‘Katniss, she talked _again_!’ Prim said smiling excitedly. ‘She told you she was proud of you’

‘Prim..’ I slowly began. ‘Mom is still very ill.. It will be a long time coming before she’s better again’

Prim said nothing and angrily looked down at our kitchen floor.

I let out a weary sigh – our visit had left me exhausted. ‘I just don’t want you to get your hopes up’

‘Jesus, Katniss!’ Prim yelled. She flew into a rage and reminded me of a volcano. She was loud, red and flailing her arms around. ‘Do you think I’m an idiot? Of course I know that! Why do you keep pointing out how bad she’s doing? Why can’t you for once notice something positive about her? You know how that makes _me_ feel? Like I’m a fool for actually believing she can come back to us one day! It makes me feel hopeless!’

I was still taking in Prim’s outburst and coming up with a reply, but she beat me to it and continued.

‘Do you even want her to get better? Do you hate her _that_ much?!’ Prim yelled.

‘I don’t hate her!’ I screamed and for a moment I saw the shock on Prim’s face before she hid it again. I’d never yelled at her like that before, but I was furious with her. She just didn’t understand why I always had my reservations about our mother’s improvements and I couldn’t believe she actually thought I hated the woman that raised us. ‘And of course I want her to get better!’ I was so angry, that the tears started to run over my cheeks. ‘I just don’t want you to get disappointed when she has a set back! I don’t want you to get your heart crushed again if it happens.. I won’t be here to help you anymore, I’ll be on the other side of the country!’

Prim’s lip started to quiver. ‘I won’t and I’ll be fine on my own! You still see me as this little kid, but I’m not! I’m 16 Katniss and believe it or not, but I’m not a fool! I’m _very_ aware of the fact that mom still has a long was to go, and not only because you constantly remind me of that, but also because I figured that one out on my own! But would it kill you to have a little hope?!’

I was so tired. Fighting with Prim always had a toll on me, but this screaming match sucked the energy out of my body and filled it with a headache and tears that were already escaping me.

I turned around, grabbed my car keys and a scarf and left.

‘Where are you going?’ I heard Prim yell from the kitchen.

‘Away from you!’ the words escaped me before I could bite my tongue and I got into my car.

 

~~~~♥♥♥♥♥♥

 

I just drove around our town for a bit. I had no destination, only a goal – clear my head and run out of tears.

When I felt somewhat better, I decided to treat myself on a cheeseburger from the McDonalds. The one cheeseburger became two, some French fries, a milkshake, a burger for Haymitch and nuggets for Prim.

I’d put the food on the passenger seat next to me and made my way out of the parking lot while snacking on some of the fries.

That’s when it happened.

That’s when some idiot drove out of his parking spot without looking and crashed into my car.

Both of our cars stopped and I jumped out of mine to check the damage.

There was a massive dent where that idiot driver had driven his car into mine and the road was covered in glass from my lights. _Goddammit!_ I couldn’t fucking _believe_ it. _Four_ days before I leave for college and some asshole messed up my car..

The driver, a guy about my age, appeared next to me.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, but I was too mad to hear anything besides my own thoughts.

‘You son of a bitch!’ I yelled, the anger I shook off during my calming ride now back and twice as intense. ‘Look what you did to my car!’ I continued, angrily pointing at the damage.

‘I know, I’m so sorry’ the driver said and he sounded remorseful, but all I wanted to do was bite his head off. I had just gotten the car a month ago! My beautiful, safe, awesome, super comfortable car was now a wreck because of the moron next to me.

I turned to the guy, looked him in his cerulean eyes that were framed by the longest golden eyelashes I’d ever seen, and yelled ‘You bet your ass you’re sorry! You’re paying for this, dickwad!’

His way-too-blue eyes widened and he held up his hands in defence due to my outburst. ‘I am, I am. Relax..’

‘ _Relax_?!’ I yelled. ‘This is a new car! A _new_ car and you just _wrecked_ it! My uncle is a lawyer, asshole! I’m going to sue the pants off you, _Curly_!’

The guy looked amused for a second. ‘Curly?’ he asked with a smirk and he unconsciously ran a hand through his blond curls.

‘Mam is this guy bothering you?’ I heard someone ask me and when I turned around, I found two cops getting out of their car.

‘No, we’re fine’ Curly said.

_Who the hell did this guy think he was?_ Speaking for _me_?!

‘Yes he _is_ ’ I said.

‘ _What_?!’

‘This idiot just drove his car into mine and now he refuses to pay!’

‘That’s not true!’ Curly said and I could hear that he was getting angry. ‘I just told you that I was going to cover every bill’

‘And you damn well are!’ I said with venom in my voice (poor guy, I was on a roll..). ‘I’m going to call my _lawyer_ uncle’

‘Mam, if you’re not in any danger, we’re going to go again’ I heard one of the cops say, sounding unconcerned.

I’d dialled Haymitch’s number and told the cops I’d be okay. ‘I know self-defence’ I added, glaring at Curly who was sending me one of his own scowls. If I wasn’t so pissed, I would have laughed, because that guy looked more like a glaring puppy than anything else. It were probably the blue puppy dog eyes he was rocking and the blond curls that made him look so innocent.

Haymitch finally picked up and 10 minutes later he was standing next to me. He looked at the damage, shook his head and started to talk business with the godawful driver.

Once in a while I provided a snide remark aimed at the blond, what got me an eye roll from Haymitch and a weak scowl from the guy. He was actually starting to grow on me, he was polite, nice, kind and his looks didn’t hurt my eyes either, but I had the reputation of a fuming brat to uphold, so..

When everything was finished, he apologised _again_ , and it got under my skin. ‘Just pay the bills or we’ll see you in court, buddy!’ I growled.

Curly rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath in the lines of ‘For the love of God..’ and Haymitch just snickered and ordered me to go back home.

‘So that guy really had your panties all twisted, huh?’ Haymitch laughed when we were home again.

‘Just eat your burger old man’ I said scowling. ‘Let’s hope we never have to see that idiot again..’

 

I had spoken too soon. _Far_ too soon..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter Katniss meets all sorts of new people, she properly meets _Curly _and new love blossoms!__
> 
>  
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! :) xx 
> 
> _  
> _If you like this AU, go check out_[I Hate It That I Love You (One Day)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6052207/chapters/13875199) by [FrisianWanderer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FrisianWanderer/pseuds/FrisianWanderer) \- it's a "The 100" Soulmate AU fanfic of Bellarke, loosely inspired by mine, and it's awesome! :D <3_  
> 


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is following and supporting this story! :) It means so much! :-*
> 
> I promised a very good friend I'd dedicate this chapter to her, so BM this one's for you! ❤️ (en ook naar jou, MF❤️)

 

 

Panem University seemed to be the perfect fit for both Annie and I. We both loved our classes, the campus and the Californian weather.

After arriving, Annie and I had to endure a big disappointment – we weren’t roommies. No one knew what had went wrong with our application to share a dorm room, only that it wasn’t fixable.

I didn’t get why the roommates we got assigned couldn’t live _together_ , but apparently that was impossible and that made me very pissed. I didn’t like people in general, with the exception of Prim, Annie, Gale, Haymitch and my mother – after all was said and done, she was still my mom – and especially didn’t like strangers.

But Madge Undersee, my actual roommate, wasn’t so bad. She was a psychology major, just like Annie, wasn’t a loud person, was nice and polite, wasn’t a fan of dance music and followed the same shows as I did. Madge told me she was from Texas, was an only child and that her parents were both in politics. On the surface Madge and I hadn’t a lot in common – she was the definition of a girly girl who loved sushi, where I was more of a throw-on-what’s-comfortable kind of girl, who could happily live of taco’s for the rest of her life. But we got along really well and that was especially nice since we shared a living space and I didn’t see Annie a lot since she was always with Finnick.

But Annie and I had lunch together every Tuesday and Thursday, and every Saturday Finnick took us to some kind of party, so it wasn’t like I never saw my best friend.

It was on one of those Tuesdays where I was getting lunch with Annie in the mess hall, that someone behind us, asked for our attention.

I was just telling Annie about my plans for getting a job, while we were looking for somewhere to sit with our lunch, when someone said in a surprised tone, ‘Hey, Katniss’

In the millisecond it took me to turn around and face our interrupter, I wondered who it could be. Annie and I were both the only ones of our graduating class to go to Panem, so as far as I knew, Finnick was the only one we knew when we enrolled.

My eyes met sky blue ones and saw blond curls. _Holy fuck_.

‘ _Curly_?!’ I (almost) yelled. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

He chuckled. ‘It’s Peeta, actually’ he turned to Annie and introduced himself. Annie looked both amused and distrustful, but was as nice as ever. Peeta turned back to me. ‘I was just getting some lunch – like you were doing, I imagine’

I gave him an annoyed look. ‘Funny. What are you doing at Panem U?’

‘Again – the same as you, I presume. I go here’ Peeta answered, the annoying smirk never leaving his face.

I had to bite my tongue to stop an annoyed groan. I couldn’t believe that the idiot went to the same school as I did. How in the hell was it even possible that out of the millions of universities and colleges in the country, he went to the same school as I? And out of all people, it had to be him, of course…

Before I could make a remark about how I’d hoped he hadn’t crashed into someone else on his way to the university or to the mess hall, Annie asked us how we knew one another.

I gave Peeta a glare and he let an awkward chuckle and scratched the back of his neck. ‘I uh- accidently drove into Katniss’ car with my own’ he answered a little sheepish, with rosy tinted cheek.

A small voice inside of me said that he looked adorable, all flushed and nervous like that – that voice obviously got overruled by my rational side, who still believed Peeta to be an idiot.

Annie laughed. ‘You’re that doofus?’ 

Peeta’s cheeks went from pink to red and I had to stifle a laugh. ‘Yeah..’ he muttered.

‘Well, it was great seeing you again’ I abruptly said, stopping this interaction before it would go on and Annie would invite him to sit with us – that’s something I didn’t want to suffer through. ‘But we’re going to go now. Bye Curly’ I dragged Annie to a faraway empty table where we could eat our lunch in peace.

When we sat down, I stuffed myself with my tuna sandwich and Annie giggled. ‘What?’ I asked, my mouth still full with my lunch.

‘Nothing’ Annie said with an amused look and she took a bite of her potato salad.

I washed down my food with a gulp of water. ‘Just spill it’ I sighed.

‘You just seemed very adamant to get away from him, and he didn’t seem _that_ awful’ Annie replied grinning.

‘He almost killed me the last time I saw him!’

Annie snorted. ‘Since when did you develop a dramatic streak? I’m just saying – he didn’t seem that bad and we could’ve invited him to sit with us’

I shook my head and gave my best friend a fond smile. ‘Only you would want to befriend the driver that rammed his car into yours – or in this case, _mine_ ’

‘You know..’ Annie started, with a grin so mischievous it only spelled trouble for me, ‘You never denied him not seeming awful’

‘Then I’ll do so now’ I said stubbornly.

‘You like him!’ Annie accused me of.

I could feel my cheeks heat up. ‘Nope’ was my attempt to deny it. I knew I pulled of looking bored and unaffected by Annie’s statement, because why would I feel otherwise? The only thing I felt for Curly was deep annoyance and some resentment for sending my car to the shop for two days.

‘Your cheeks tell a different story’ Annie teased me.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’

‘Kat, it’s not a crime to have a crush on someone and have a little fun with someone else before you meet your soulmate’ Annie said.

‘I know, but it won’t be with that idiot’ I said.

‘Why not?’ Annie had a playful glint in her eyes. ‘He may be a crappy driver, but he’s cute and seemed nice. And he’s obviously not unintelligent since he got accepted to Panem U’

‘Do I need to remind you that you’re in a very committed relationship with your soulmate?’ I asked around a bite of my sandwich.

‘But you aren’t’ she grinned.

‘It’s not going to happen Ann’ I was keeping my foot down.

‘Again – your cheeks tell a different story’

I let out a weary sigh. ‘I hate you..’

 

* * *

 

 

My hunt for a job had paid off. I had gotten a job at a supermarket that kept me busy three nights a week. It weren’t a lot of hours, but it was better than nothing and the pay didn’t suck that bad either.

I had just gotten back to my dorm from a night of work, when I found Madge crying in our room. Seeing my roommate that upset, made a muscle in my heart ache. Maybe it was because she reminded me of Prim. They shared the same blonde locks and the bubbly personality. But it was probably because after two months of knowing Madge, I considered her a friend.

When I asked her what was wrong, she gave me a weak smile, waved the issue away and asked if I wanted to watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine with her. After a couple of episodes Madge broke the silence and asked me if I had a soulmark.

Even though soulmarks are a very popular subject when people get to know each other, neither Madge nor I had ever brought it up. I was relieved – for obvious reasons – that Madge wasn’t the type who was obsessed with soulmates and everything about it, but I never wondered why _she_ wasn’t – not until now.

‘Yes. Do you?’ I replied.

She nodded. ‘And I’m really glad I have one, you know – a soulmate, but I’m worried about my parents not liking them..’

That had struck me as odd. Why wouldn’t someone’s parents like the person that would bring their child happiness? ‘Don’t worry about that. Of course your parents are going to love the person that will make you happy’ I tried to sooth her, assure her.

‘They’re not really easy people to please, but it’s not about liking them, but _accepting_ my soulmate. My parents are very conservative’

I waited for Madge to continue, so she could have a moment to choose how and if she wanted to elaborate.

‘Can I tell you a secret, Katniss?’ she asked in a voice that sounded unsure, scared and heartbroken.

‘Of course’ I promised her.

‘I’m bi’ she whispered after a moment and her confession seemed to physically deflate her. I could tell that a huge weight had been lifted of her shoulders. ‘I’ve never told anyone before’

I put an arm around her shoulders. ‘Thank you for telling me. I’m sure it wasn’t easy and I want to say that if you want, I’ll take that to the grave. But you being bi, isn’t a big deal to me – it won’t change anything, I promise. You’re still my friend and my favourite roommate’

Madge looked up at me and her eyes were wet with unshed tears. ‘Thanks, Katniss’ she whispered.

A moment later Madge shared the fucked up story of why she’d never told anyone – especially her parents.

Apparently her parents were both incredibly conservative people who strongly believed that homosexuality was unnatural, because it wasn’t something that could help the human race survive. Their strongest point was that in the animal kingdom there weren’t gay relationships and couples, and since humans were a type of animals too, there shouldn’t be in our world as well. This was, of course, untrue since there are a lot of animal species where (some) animals have a mate of the same sex, but people like Madge’s parents, chose to ignore this fact. They also ignored the fact that gays existed since the beginning of soulmarks.

Madge even told me that her father was a Blank Soul. Her mother, however, was Marked and her soulmate was a woman. When Mrs. Undersee discovered this, she’d done everything in her power to keep it a secret and chose to live a conservative life. She told her true love how despicable their supposed love was and that she wanted nothing to do with her. Mrs. Undersee married Madge’s father, a man who held the same morals as she did and her true love was so devastated that she committed suicide, a few years later.

But Mrs. Undersee’s morals couldn’t make her happy in the end and she’d turned to pills when Madge was 11 to smother her misery and, probably, her guilt.

That’s how Madge found out – her mother had told her the story of her soulmark when she’d been too high to remember telling it to her daughter the next day.

We were both silent for a long moment after she finished her story. I was too lost for words, even when my mind was racing a mile a minute, and Madge’s revelations had left her drained from her energy.

‘If your soulmate is indeed a girl, then you should just tell your parents. Maybe they’ll surprise you-‘

‘They won’t’ Madge interrupted me in hoarse voice.

She probably knew that better than I did, so I didn’t disagree. ‘If they indeed don’t, then fuck them. I know they’re your parents and all, but _fuck them_! You can either choose that girl and follow your destiny and be happy, or don’t like your mother and choose your own misery. It’s your own decision, don’t let other people make it for you. I’m not saying you won’t be happy if you never meet your soulmate, but you will be if you let other people make the decision if your soulmate is worthy enough for you’

‘I know’ she sniffed. ‘Thanks Katniss’ we were both silent again for a minute, before Madge chuckled and asked, ‘When did you get so deep, though?’

‘Everyone has their moments, I guess’ I joked.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Katniss, hi’

I had my nose buried so deep in my textbooks that I hadn’t noticed someone approach me, so when that certain someone made himself known, I startled.

I looked up to find Peeta standing there. _Of course._ ‘Do you have a habit of appearing out of thin air?’ I asked, a little annoyed, but also amused.

‘No, that only seems to be the case with you’ Peeta glanced down at my textbooks.

‘Earth Sciences’ I answered, before he could even ask the question. ‘You?’

Peeta smiled. ‘Business Economics’ he turned his wrist and checked his watch. ‘But I’m late for swimming practice, so I’ll leave you to it now’ he looked a little rueful about having to go again.

‘Are you on the team?’ I heard myself ask. Apparently he wasn’t the only one disappointed that he had to go. _What the fuck was going on with me?_

‘Yes, I actually got a swimming scholarship to Panem U’ Peeta told me with a proud smile.

‘A friend of mine is on the team as well. Finnick Odair?’

Peeta’s smile widened. ‘You know Finnick?’

I nodded.

‘Small campus’

I raised one of my eyebrows at him. ‘Small _world_ ’

Peeta chuckled. ‘Yeah, I bet you didn’t think we’d ever run into each other again’

‘Yes, I hoped you’d never _run into_ me again’ I teased.

‘You’re never going to let me live that down are you?’ he asked with an amused twinkle in his blue eyes.

‘Never’ I said grinning.

‘Maybe I can help you forget by treating you on some homemade baked goods?’ he smirked and I was reminded how handsome Peeta was. _Dammit_..

He grabbed a lunchbox out of his duffle bag and handed it to me.

I looked at it in shock and tried to object. ‘No, Peeta-‘

‘Just take it Katniss’

‘I’m not taking your food’ I insisted and added with a glare, ‘I’m perfectly able to take care of myself, thank you very much’

Peeta rolled his eyes. ‘I believe that without a doubt and I’m not trying to take care of you, but bribe you into liking me. Take the damn cheesebuns, Katniss’

‘No’

‘I can’t eat them anyway, because of swimming practice – which I’m now late for, because of you, so you owe me’

I scowled and he chuckled. ‘You can give me back my lunchbox later’

‘I don’t want-‘

‘Bye Katniss’ Peeta quickly said as he turned around and left.

‘Dammit Curly!’

I heard him laugh and when I returned my focus on my textbook, I was _almost_ able to convince myself that the sound of his laugh wasn’t _that_ nice. I failed, but at least the cheesebuns made me feel better about my failure.

I literally never had something that tasty.

 

* * *

 

 

A couple of days later Finnick told me with a smirk which dorm room Peeta lived in, when I asked him if he could return Peeta’s lunchbox for me.

‘I’m sure he’d love it if you dropped by. He wants to see more of you’ Finnick said with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

I gave him a glare, but his smile only broadened.

Annie chuckled. ‘Yes Katniss, it would be very impolite of you if you didn’t thank him _properly’_

I could feel my cheeks heat up and Finnick and Annie obviously noticed, because they started to snicker. ‘I hate you both’ I grumbled and quickly made my way out of Annie’s room.

Panem U wasn’t that big, so I found Peeta’s room without much trouble. The guy himself was standing in the hallway with two girls. A redhead who looked very dazed and sated and a blonde who giggled shamelessly. Both of them had hickeys and they kissed Peeta’s cheek when they said goodbye.

An irrational feeling of anger bubbled in my stomach that I didn’t want to acknowledge. _How typical._ He was just another one of those “bros” or whatever. I definitely wasn’t disappointed or jealous, because that would be ridiculous. The disgust I felt was much more reasonable, but not something I was going to display. He could do whatever the hell he wanted to do.

Peeta’s cheeks turned pink and his lips turned into a nice smile when he saw me.

‘Katniss, hey’ he seemed happy to see me again, even if he seemed a little nervous, so I made my lips return his smile, even though I knew it wouldn't reach my eyes.

I handed him his lunchbox and thanked him for the cheesebuns. ‘They were great’ I sincerely hoped I didn’t sound as surly or looked as awkward as I felt.

Peeta’s eyes seemed to sparkle due to my compliment and I hated it that his eyes seemed even bluer than I remembered them to be. I hated it even more that my stomach kind of flipped when he looked at me like that. _Goddammit_..

‘Yeah, did you like them?’ he asked eagerly.

I nodded. ‘I’ll see you around. Small campus and all. Thanks again’ I said and I turned around.

‘Small _world_ ’ I heard Peeta say from behind me, but I wasn’t in the mood to stay any longer or make another remark.

Outside, I received a text from Madge asking me if I wanted to go to the mall with her. I really needed to get the hell away and some new foundation, so I told her I’d meet her in 15.

 

* * *

 

 

A week before Thanksgiving break, I found out what Madge’s soulmark was.

It was an accident. I walked in on her changing into some fluffy socks (she always wore those in our room, that’s why I’d never seen her mark before) and saw her mark on her ankle.

A mark I had seen multiple times before.

But on someone else’s body.

Madge’s soulmark was a bright blue feather, that swirled around her ankle. Just like Gale’s.

 _Gale_ was her soulmate.

Madge didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that her soulmark was out in the open but she did give me a look when I was finally able to end my awkward staring.

‘Pretty mark’ I was able to utter. I dumped my book bag on my bed and told Madge I’d see her later, because I had plans with Annie. Which wasn’t true, but my head was spinning after this revelation and going to Annie during a crisis was an old habit.

I’d just found out who _Gale’s_ soulmate was. I _knew_ who Madge’s soulmate was. I just didn’t know what to do. Keep it to myself and let fate decide when their paths would cross? No, I knew I couldn’t do that. Gale would never forgive me if I kept this life changing information from him. But who did I tell first? I knew Gale couldn’t wait to meet his one true love, but maybe Madge wasn’t ready yet.

All I knew was that I needed to go see Annie, so I barged into her room.

She was reading a book on her bed and when her gaze landed on me, she immediately said ‘What’s wrong?’

I closed the door behind me, but didn’t move from my spot. ‘I found Gale’s soulmate’

Annie sat up straighter. ‘Are you serious?’

I nodded.

‘Well, who is it?’

‘Madge’

‘Madge?!’ Annie asked surprised.

I nodded again. ‘What do we do?’

Annie laughed. ‘Tell them, obviously’

‘Who first? And how?’

Annie shrugged. ‘Who do you want to tell first?’

Then it was my time to shrug. They were both my friends and they were both very important to me. Granted, I had known Gale practically my whole life and Madge only since a couple of months, but she was my friend and roommate. I saw her every day and it wouldn’t be fair to (try and) keep this from her.

But Gale was.. Well, _Gale_.. My first friend, my first boyfriend, he had been there when my dad had died and we’d been each other’s prom dates.

So, I sat down next to Annie on her bed and dialled his number hoping he’d pick up.

‘I found your soulmate’ I said when he answered.

 

♥♥♥♥♥♥

 

Half an hour later I returned to Madge.

‘Everything okay?’ Madge asked when I walked into our dorm room.

‘I need to tell you something’ I said and she immediately looked worried and afraid. ‘I know who your soulmate is’ I confessed.

We were both silent for a moment. I watched Madge’s worry and fear turn into shock and surprise. I patiently waited while she made this new information her own and her breath quickened while she was processing. Her grip tightened around her pen and a million thoughts swam in her hazel eyes. She swallowed and her eyes found mine again. ‘Guy or girl?’ she eventually asked.

‘Guy. His name’s Gale, we grew up together’ I answered.

She nodded absently. ‘Does he know?’

‘I called him. He can’t wait to meet you’ I said with a smile, remembering how happy and excited Gale had sounded when he had questioned me about Madge. ‘He asked for your number, but I told him I’d ask you first if that would be okay’

Madge stood up and walked over to me. I expected her to slap me or give me a hug, but she did neither. She kissed me. My eyes closed on instinct when she softly sucked my lower lip. Her lips were firm and warm against my own and I remember thinking that Gale was a lucky guy. She had very kissable lips.  

Madge pulled back again. ‘Sorry’ she said blushingly. ‘I’d never kissed a girl before and I don’t think I’ll ever again now my true love has crossed my path. Because, yes, I do want Gale to have my number. I’ve been waiting my whole life for my soulmate, but I’m bi and I wanted to kiss a girl. Once, at least’

‘It’s okay’ I promised. ‘Now I kissed a girl too, so I can tell my sister I’m living my college life to the fullest’ I joked.

Madge chuckled and asked for Gale’s number and they spend the entire afternoon and every day after that one getting to know each other.

And that’s how my other best friend found his one true love.

Obviously I had no idea I would be next and that I’d find out a few weeks later.

 

* * *

 

 

It was right after Thanksgiving break.

Annie (with Finnick) and I both had gone back home to visit our families. I hung out with Prim a lot, which was great – I had missed my little sister much more than I was going to admit – bantered with Haymitch, stuffed myself with turkey and visited my mother, who was improving. We talked about my classes and the Californian weather. I still carefully avoided the subjects of Annie’s and Gale’s (who used his break to meet Madge for the first time at Panem U) relationship status, afraid it would set her off.

Overall, it was a nice break and it ended, like every break, way too soon.

Panem U’s swimming team had a match two days after we got back. Annie begged me to come support our team, so as the good friend I was, I conceded.. Gale and I had caught up that day with each other. He already had that look in his eyes that everyone apparently gets when they talk about their soulmate. Gale was already head over heels in love with Madge and it was mutual. They were already one of those lovey dovey couples. After I said goodbye to Gale and wished him a safe trip, I was on my way to Annie.

Annie had saved me a seat next to hers in the stands and when Panem U’s swimming team made their way to the pool, I no longer wondered why there was such a big crowd. All of the guys were ripped and wore a very revealing speedo.

Annie waved at Finnick and he blew her a kiss.

Standing next to Finnick was someone I’d recognise in every crowd. _Peeta_.

He turned around and waved at me when he saw me, but I wasn’t able to wave back. _Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap._

‘No, no, no, no’ I kept muttering.

Thank God Annie had the sense to wave back, because I knew I was getting weird, before she turned back to me. ‘Katniss..’ she started and her voice reflected the disbelief and surprise I felt.

But I also felt panicked and denial.

‘Wow, a _black_ soulmark!’

‘Oh my God, a colourless soulmark’

‘Look at that guy with the blond curls, he has a _black_ bird!’ I heard people around me say.

On Peeta Mellark’s chest was the colourless linnet I called my own.

 

He was my soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make Madge bi because I realised there aren't going to be any gay couples in this story and I'm not okay with writing a story where there can't be LGBTQ+ people in that world. Especially a world where people get soulmarks and soulmates and there's true love ❤️❤️
> 
> After what happened in Brussles I want to take this opportunity and 'verse to remind everyone how important love is and that it's the only thing that multiplies when you share it. So spread it like it's nutella guys and girls and be kind to one another! ;) 
> 
> See you next time! xx


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a long wait, but at least it's a long chapter, so I hope that mends the pain a little ;)
> 
> Mistakes are mine, I hope you enjoy :)

‘Katniss!’ Annie yelled. ‘Katniss, stop!’

I ignored Annie and kept walking away as fast as I could, without it turning into an actual sprint, from the discovery that just changed my life.

‘Katniss, please!’ Annie pleaded, and her tone made me stop in my tracks and turn around. Annie nearly bumped into me, but she stopped in time.

‘Did you know?’ I demanded, very upset.

‘No, of course not!’ she said offended. ‘I would’ve told you immediately if I’d found out. And I never told Finnick about your mark, and he never told me about Peeta’s. I _swear_ I didn’t know, Kat’

I nodded. I believed her. Annie was my best friend, she would never lie to me or keep something as life changing as who my soulmate is to herself. Just like I hadn’t done with Gale.

‘Want to go back?’ Annie asked. The concern and surprise in her green eyes had made room for excitement. Excitement I didn’t feel. My heart was still beating a mile a minute, pumping shock, disbelieve and denial through my body – this couldn’t be happening. Peeta Mellark was _not_ my soulmate…

‘No’ I said resolute.

‘Katniss..’

I shook my head. ‘I can’t..’ I blinked away tears that were starting to cloud my vision. ‘I can’t Annie..’ I begged her to understand, but before she could reply, I turned away and hastily made my way to my dorm room.

 

♥♥♥♥♥♥

 

Madge was out and I was relieved to have our room to myself, even if it was only for a little while. I didn’t feel like explaining what had happened or why I was that upset. I needed to be alone for a while, but the Gods didn’t grant me that wish.

I was mindlessly staring at the wall on the other side of the room, concentrating on my breathing pattern, trying to calm down, when my quiet got disturbed by someone knocking loudly on my door.

‘Katniss, open the door!’ Annie commanded.

I didn’t make a sound, not because I wanted to ignore Annie, but because I was still too out of it.

‘We know you’re there’ a more deeper, masculine voice said. ‘I just missed my flight because Annie said you needed us, so the least you can do is let us in’

_Gale?_

I got up, opened the door and sat down on my bed again. Annie and Gale followed me into my room and sat down on Madge’s bed, across from mine. I could feel their gazes burn a hole in my head, while I was staring at my feet. I wondered who was going to break the silence. I had no intention in doing so.

It was Gale.

‘So, Annie told me you found your soulmate’ he said.  

Silence.

I put my face in the palms of my hands and bit my lip.

Gale knew me like the back of his hand, so he chose a more direct approach to get me to talk. ‘What are you going to do about it?’

‘Nothing’ I whispered.

‘Katniss-‘ Annie started, but I interrupted her.

‘I don’t want him, okay?’ I shouted. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re soulmate has to be someone you actually _like_ —‘

This time Annie was the interrupter. ‘You don’t even know him, Kat’

‘I know him well enough’ I stubbornly insisted. ‘He’s a danger on the road and he’s a fucking player. I’m pretty sure he’s fucked half the girls on this campus already and it’s only _November_ ’ I said with disgust in my voice. ‘I can’t believe the Gods matched me with _him_ – I _don’t want him_ ’ I repeated. I got up and walked over to the window, where I stared at my view.

Memories of my parents filled my mind. How happy they were, how one plus one really was three with them, how my mom collapsed on the floor when her mark disappeared, how she cried an endless stream of tears until she was empty, that she’s still _so_ empty. All because the cruelty of love. ‘I don’t want any of it’ I decided. ‘It’s not worth it..’

‘You are many thing Katniss Everdeen, but I never thought I would call you a coward’ Annie said. My shoulders tensed unconsciously, affected by the assumption, and the disappointment and anger in her voice. It was a tone Annie had never used on me. ‘You’re so scared of what _might_ happen, you would deprive yourself – and _Peeta_ – of love. You just don’t have the guts to be happy’

‘We get that what happened to your parents fucked you up’ Gale said. ‘But you are not your parents. You are _not_ your mom, Catnip. And neither one of your parents would’ve ever wanted you to close yourself off like this. Annie’s right – you’re a coward’

That was the straw that broke camel’s back. I burst out in tears and Annie immediately got up and wrapped her arms around my shaking form. She guided me to my bed where we sat down. Gale joined us and squeezed my shoulder.

When I calmed down, I shared my worst fears with my two best friends. ‘I’m just such a mess.. I’m so fucked up, no one deserves to have a soulmate like me. I’m a burden..’ I cried.

‘You are not!’ Annie said shocked and she squeezed me a little tighter. ‘How can you even say something like that?’

‘Because it’s true’ I sniffed. ‘I’m damaged goods… I—‘

‘No, you’re not’ Gale interrupted me. ‘Yes, you are way too stubborn and too impatient for your own good, so this Peter guy is in for something else.. But you’re also amazing Katniss. I didn’t fall in love with you without reason’ it was the first time since our break-up either one of us mentioned our failed relationship, so I knew Gale was mentioning it now for a good reason. ‘You’re so strong, Catnip. You took care of your mom and your sister after your dad died for _months_.. You care so much about the people around you, your love for your family and friends consumes you. You’re going to make Peeta very happy, you just have to have faith in yourself’

‘It’s true, Kat’ Annie agreed. ‘And you’re the best friend we both could ever wish for. You’re loyal and kind. Smart and talented too. No one is perfect, but Peeta is very lucky to have gotten you as his soulmate. You’re awesome. Yes, you have some crap you need to work on, Peeta probably has too, but you work on that _together_. But you’re not damaged, Kat’

I wiped the tears of my cheeks and coughed to get a grip on my voice again. ‘Thanks guys’ I whispered.

‘No, problem’ Gale promised me. ‘I did miss my flight, so that kind of sucks, but not really because now I can spend a couple of days more with Madge. So thanks Catnip, for being so unequipped to deal with your soulmates and stuff’ he joked.

‘Shut up’ I said, smiling slightly, and I playfully bumped his shoulder with mine. ‘But I’m not ready for him to know yet. Hell, I’m not ready for _me_ to know yet..’ I let out a heavy sigh. ‘So, please don’t tell him, okay? Or anyone else, _especially_ Finnick’

Annie didn’t seem all too happy about the fact she had to keep another secret from her soulmate, but she promised she would anyway.

‘He won’t hear it from me’ Gale promised too, smiling playfully, before he turned serious again. ‘But what about Madge?’

‘Well it’s about time I showed her my mark’ I reasoned. ‘And she doesn’t know Peeta, so telling her won’t be a problem’

It’s safe to say that Madge was shocked to see my soulmark, sharing she’d never seen a colourless one before. ‘I wondered why you’re always buying so much foundation. Your face is so naturally flawless..’ she wondered out loud, eyes glued to my shimmering bird.

I chuckled. ‘Thanks Madge’

 

* * *

 

 

The first time I saw Peeta after finding out we were a Match, was a couple of days later, at work.

‘Katniss, hi’ Peeta greeted me, smiling sweetly. ‘How’ve you been?’

I tried to return his smile and not to break out in a nervous sweat. ‘Great’ I lied. I’d lived in a constant state of anxiety since finding out about Peeta and I sharing a soulmark. ‘What about you?’ I quickly asked. ‘Congrats by the way, on your win against the Capitol Crocodiles last week’

Peeta beamed when I congratulated him and my heart did something funny. ‘Thanks! It was close, that’s for sure’ he smiled and I could see something light up in his blue eyes. ‘We’re celebrating that we’re going to Sectionals tomorrow at a bar, you should come too. It’s going to be fun’ he looked hopeful.

I felt my cheeks heat up. ‘I, uh—‘ I stammered.

‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to’ Peeta quickly said, picking up on my hesitance. ‘But Finnick and Annie are coming too, and Annie mentioned once that you like to sing..’ his cheeks got a rosy tint after that confession and he nervously scratched his neck.

It was weird, but his nervousness made me feel more at ease. ‘I’ll think about it’ I smiled.

‘Great’

‘Is it okay if I bring a friend, though?’

‘Of course, the more the merrier’ he smiled. ‘I hope to see you tomorrow’ he left with an awkward wave, pinker cheeks and a kind goodbye.

‘Thanks for coming with me’ I said to Madge when we made our way to “The Mockingbird”, the karaoke bar where we were going to meet Annie, Finnick, Peeta and the rest of the swimming team.

I was nervous as hell, there was no denying that fact. My heart was beating loudly in my chest and my mouth was dry. I needed a drink.

‘Yes you owe me big time’ Madge replied. ‘I had to cancel a Skype date with Gale, in favour of giving you emotional support and getting drunk at a karaoke bar. Life sucks’ she winked, so I knew she wasn’t _that_ disappointed.

‘Yes, you earned my eternal gratitude’ I said dramatically. ‘As a thank you, I’ll crash in someone else’s room next time Gale comes over’

‘The next three times and free drinks tonight’ Madge bargained.

‘Two times and you’ll get three drinks. But you have to make sure neither one of us gets drunk and spills the beans to Peeta. And if I scratch my earlobe you have to come safe me’

‘Deal’ Madge said smiling as she pushed the bar’s door open.

‘Katniss! Madge!’ Annie shouted excitedly from where she was sitting in Finnick’s lap, when the both of us were standing inside of “The Mockingbird”. She waved at us and Madge and I made our way over to the booth she was occupying with her boyfriend, Peeta, Glimmer (Annie’s roommate) and some other people I didn’t know. ‘These are Thom, Cashmere, Marvel and Gloss’ she introduced. ‘These are Katniss and Madge’ Annie said when it was our time to be introduced.

The booth was a little small for all ten of us, so Cashmere, Gloss and Marvel decided to go to the stage to sing a song and Thom and Glimmer left to play some darts. I sat down next to Peeta and Madge sat down next to me. Peeta gave me a sweet smile, one that my lips unconsciously responded to, and I felt myself calm down.

‘Where’s the rest of the team?’ I asked Peeta.

‘On the dancefloor’ he answered smiling. He looked really happy to see me and that thought made me blush.

‘You’re not a dancer yourself?’ I asked.

‘I totally am!’ he answered, mock offended I assumed otherwise. ‘I’m an _amazing_ dancer, and I’ll prove it to you if you come with me’

Right at that moment Finnick planted a beer in front of me. ‘Thanks’ I said looking up at him, before returning my attention to Peeta. ‘I’m afraid I haven’t had enough of these’ I wiggled the beer in my hand a bit, ‘to follow you to the dancefloor’

Peeta grinned. ‘Then we’ll stay and drink some drinks. Cheers’ he said clicking his drink against mine.

‘Cheers’ I whispered before taking a gulp.

‘Have any plans for Christmas break?’ Peeta asked when he swallowed his gulp of beer.

Christmas break was in two weeks and I’d been really looking forward to it. Prim and I always made cookies, had a (boring) Christmas movie marathon with Annie and Rue, and set up the Christmas tree with our own homemade ornaments. The Christmas after our dad died was the only year we couldn’t do any of those traditions, but now that Haymitch was in the picture, we could try to enjoy the holidays again. It was another thing Haymitch had saved. Another thing I was grateful for to Haymitch.

And Prim’s birthday was January 4th. My little sister was turning 17, so it was going to be a big celebration. I just _knew_ that she was going to get Marked.  

‘Pretty standard plans’ I answered. ‘Getting sick on eggnog, hoping for snow and lighting some illegally purchased fireworks. And my little sister is turning seventeen, so it will be weeks filled with a lot of gifts’

‘The big One-Seven’ Peeta smiled. ‘Is she excited?’

‘Terrified’ I admitted, smiling. ‘Not that she has a reason to be. Do you have any siblings?’

Peeta told me he had two older brothers, Ryder and Chris, who both attended Berkeley. He told me he decided to go to Panem instead, because Panem has a great swimming team, and that he still saw his brothers every two weeks. When I asked him what got him into swimming, he answered that he grew up in California, so the ocean was always nearby. Peeta loved to swim, in the summer the sea was his world, in the winter he trained in the swimming pool and before he knew it, he was competing.

Talking with him was surprisingly easy. It felt natural. I barely noticed the others leaving and returning again, too caught up in Peeta and our conversation.

Peeta asked me if I had any hobbies and I answered that the bow and arrow definitely agreed with me and that I used to play the guitar. It were both trades I learned from my father, talents I inherited from him – I was my father’s daughter after all. But when my dad died, so had those hobbies. I told none of this to Peeta, only that I hadn’t shot an arrow and played the guitar in forever, but that I was planning on picking up the instrument again.

We drank a couple of drinks and chatted about music and movies; what turned into Christmas movies; what turned into Peeta telling me about the pies he always made for Christmas dinners. That’s how I learned he grew up at a bakery and loved to bake himself.

‘I made those cheesebuns too’ he added, smiling.

‘Really?’ I asked impressed. ‘They were delicious! I don’t think I ever had something as tasty as those cheesebuns’

Peeta chuckled. ‘That’s hard to believe’

‘According to Annie, honesty is one of my redeeming qualities, so you can take my word for it’ I winked. Those beers were definitely doing their thing…

Peeta leaned a little closer and I got lost in his eyes again. His musky, and yet sweet scent clouded my senses as well. ‘What about you needs redeeming?’ he asked, voice a little husky.

‘That’s for me to know and for you to find out’ I smirked. ‘In the future’ I added. I was definitely flirting and I could feel myself slipping, but there was still something that stopped me from falling. I knew that if Peeta found out about my mark, he wanted us to start with the epic love the Gods had promised us, but I wasn’t ready. I wanted to really get to know him first, get braver and truly believe true love didn’t always end in misery. Peeta deserved that too – someone who was ready.

Peeta’s eyes flicked down to my lips and I knew I was in dangerous waters. ‘But first I’m going to sing a duet with Madge’ I quickly said and I turned around to my friend. ‘Madge, let’s go sing a song’ I said, hoping my eyes would send her the message. _Mayday, mayday!_ _Get me away from him!_

‘Yes, let’s!’ she said excited and her eyes wore a hazy look. Apparently, she hadn’t gone easy on the drinks and I hoped she could still walk to the stage on her own.

‘Katniss is going to sing!’ Annie said excited and she clapped her hands. Annie, obviously, also had a few drinks too many in her system. ‘She’s so good, I’m filming it!’ she said to no one in particular. ‘Where’s my cell?’ she wondered out loud.

‘Well, this is going to be awkward if Annie built the expectations too high’ I said, only half joking.

Peeta chuckled and wished me good luck when Madge and I got up to go to the stage. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Finnick handing Annie her phone and the camera followed me to the karaoke machine. Madge chose Sia’s “Alive” and I could feel Peeta’s gaze burning a hole in my head the entire song, but I was too nervous to meet his eyes. Nervous about messing up the song, but also nervous about how it would make me feel when our gazes locked in a crowded bar. And I _definitely_ was nervous about what I would read in his eyes, so I kept mine on Madge, who wasn’t all that bad of a singer either.

We received a loud ovation when the song finished. Madge went to the bar to get another drink and Annie attacked me with a hug when I returned to the booth.

‘That was amazing Katniss, so amazing! You’re even better than Sia! You should sing professionally!’ she slurred and I laughed.

‘Well thank you Ann’ I said in our hug. ‘Maybe I’ll move to L.A. next week to follow my non-dream of becoming a singer’

‘Nooo..’ she whined. ‘You can’t leave me here all alone, Finnick will drive me nuts’ she joked and we both laughed. ‘I love you Kat’

‘I love you too Ann’ I promised and I squeezed her tighter before letting her go.

‘You were awesome’ Peeta said smiling, looking genuinely impressed, when I sat down next to him again. ‘Annie didn’t oversell you’ he promised.

‘Thank you’ I said a little breathless, still high on adrenaline from the performance. ‘Are you going to sing too?’

He laughed. ‘I’m definitely not singing after you. I don’t think anyone is going to, after _that_ performance’

I played off my blush by rolling my eyes at him.

 

* * *

 

 

Snow did fall during Christmas break, so Prim and I spend days making a snow family (including a snow pet) and making snow angels when our cookies were baking in the oven.

Primrose was incredibly nervous about her upcoming 17th birthday, so Annie, Finnick, Rue and I tried our best to get her mind off of things and make the days go by quicker.

Rue turned seventeen a couple of weeks prior and three silvery blue snowflakes graced her neck. Her mark looked absolutely stunning against her mocha-toned skin and I’d caught Prim looking longingly at Rue’s mark multiple times.

‘Stop worrying, Little Duck. It’s going to happen for you too’ I assured her and I was rewarded with a wry smile. ‘I mean, if even someone like _me_ can get a soulmark, someone like _you_ is probably getting multiple’

‘Thanks sis’ she whispered and she gave me a hug.

Finnick, Annie, Prim, Rue and I had a couple of Christmas movie marathons (Finnick feel asleep during every one of them. I was exactly as bored as he was, but Annie and Prim would never let me get away with behaviour like that) and the five of us went ice-skating with Annie’s little brother William.

As predicted Prim and I got sick on eggnog, but we were still capable enough to set up the Christmas tree, so Haymitch forgave us. The three of us visited my mom and she actually smiled a couple of times during our visit. We gave her a novel, one of those adult colouring books and a knitted sweater. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that she was able to maintain a normal conversation.

I left with a smile on my face. My mom really was improving and it made Christmas even more magical.

I’d given Haymitch tickets to “Hamilton” and Prim a “Monopoly” game set and they got me a guitar and a new detective novel, respectively. I tried to argue with Haymitch again over his elaborate gift giving, and again, he didn’t want to hear it, so I made the Christmas dinner as a thank you.

Christmas turned into New Year’s which I spend with Haymitch and Prim watching the Sound of Music, reading my new detective and lighting fireworks.

And then we woke up on the 4th of January; Prim’s birthday.

I was even more nervous than I had been for my own seventeenth and Prim was even more nervous than I was. Haymitch, especially, was a nervous wreck who’d stocked the freezer with three different kinds of Ben & Jerry’s.

But I was right, of course I was. Prim woke up with a gorgeous soulmark, but the biggest surprise was that it was a mark we’d already seen on someone else. Prim’s neck was decorated with three silvery blue snowflakes, just like Rue was.

Prim burst out in tears of joy and relieve and when I took her in my arms, she confessed how deep those emotions really went. ‘I’ve been in love with Rue since I was fourteen Katniss.. I was so afraid I wasn’t going to be her soulmate..’

‘Why didn’t you ever tell me?’ I asked, surprised. As far as I knew, Prim and I didn’t have secrets for each other. Well, only one that was my Peeta secret..

‘Because I was scared..’ she admitted.

‘Not because you’re gay, right? You know no one here has a problem with that. Me, Haymitch, the Hawthornes, mom, Annie’ I listed.

‘No’ she shook her head. ‘Because I was afraid I was going to get my heart broken and I didn’t want anyone’s pity’ she let out a heavy sigh. ‘I’m _so_ happy. I’m going to text her _right now_ that she needs to come over’ she smiled brightly.

‘I guess that means that I found my soulmate before you did’ Prim said when we were having breakfast with Haymitch. Prim was excited and impatient to show Rue her mark and tell her how she felt, but she didn’t miss my eyes drop to my scrambled eggs or how my cheeks heat up.

‘Katniss..?’ she asked and I could hear her suspicion clearly in her voice.

‘Yes?’ I answered, eyes still on my breakfast.

‘Katniss’ she spurred me on, voice stern.

‘Ifoundmysoulmate’ I blurted out and I quickly took a gulp of my hot cocoa, scalding my tongue in the process, to postpone the conversation I knew we were going to have.

 ‘What?!’ Prim shouted shocked, at the same time Haymitch said, ‘Holy crap sweetheart, are you serious?’

‘Yes..’ I sighed.

‘You found the guy with your soulmark? The _black linnet_?’ Haymitch asked surprised. ‘Or girl’ he quickly added. He didn’t care Prim’s soulmate was a girl, he was probably relieved he didn’t have to worry that Prim was going to get knocked up anytime soon, but he was careful not to assume anything anymore.

‘Guy’ I said, playing with my scrambled eggs now.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?!’ Prim shouted and Haymitch groaned and told her to tone it down a notch or four.

‘Because..’ I started. ‘He doesn’t know either. I found out by accident and I haven’t told him yet’

‘Why not?’ Prim demanded to know, voice having dropped a couple of notches, thankfully.

‘Listen Prim, you’re already ready for your soulmate and true love and everything, but I’m not. I’m not judging you or your decision to tell Rue now, but I barely know the guy and I just need to—’ I paused, looking for the right words. ‘to heal and be ready for everything that comes along with being with your soulmate’ I said and when I looked up at her, I asked, ‘Okay?’

I could tell Prim didn’t agree, but she respected my decision.

‘We support you in everything’ Haymitch promised.

‘Thanks’ I smiled at him. ‘And that’s all I want to say about it now. I’ll bring it up again when I’m ready, but that’s not now’

Prim nodded, but quickly looked up when we heard the front door open.

‘Prim?’ Rue asked.

‘In the kitchen!’ I shouted, excited for my sister.

Rue walked in at that moment, about to ask my sister about her mark, but her words were cut off when Prim jumped out of her chair and crashed her lips on Rue’s.

‘Really?’ Rue asked a little breathless when they broke apart.

‘Really’ Prim whispered, and their lips found their way back to one another’s.

 

* * *

 

 

I didn’t see my sister a lot in my break after that, she was constantly with Rue. I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed how much happier and more alive Prim looked when she was with Rue. How she lit up like a Christmas tree every time Rue walked into the room and how well they fit together.

Where Rue was as passionate as fire, Prim was the calm after a storm. Where Rue was a dreamer, Prim was more rational. Where Prim was more of a city girl, Rue loved being in nature.

But there were similarities as well. Both of them were as sweet as sugar, protective over their loved ones, headstrong, laid back and goofballs, who enjoyed pizza Hawaii and French movies way too much.

I could see Rue loved Prim just as much. She was always touching Prim; holding her hand, stroking her hair, resting her head on Prim’s shoulder. It was adorable and I was really happy for my sister and her new girlfriend, and I told them as much when I went back to Panem U.

‘Thanks Katniss’ Prim blushed and she gave me a hug. ‘Safe travels’ she whispered and I kissed her brow. I noticed how she was almost as tall as I was. Prim really was growing up quickly. She was seventeen and already in a relationship with her soulmate.. There wasn’t much left of the small 13 year old girl who I’d held tightly during our dad’s funeral and for that I was both grateful and disappointed. She was just so _grown up_ now.. 

A couple of days after returning to Panem U, Peeta found me studying in the library and asked if he could join me.

‘Of course’ I smiled.

Peeta asked me how my break was and specifically asked about Prim’s birthday, and I told him about the winter fun I had with my friends and sister, and how Prim got marked and already found her soulmate.

‘Lucky girl’ Peeta said, and his blue eyes filled with some type of longing, that he quickly blinked away. A familiar sense of guilt came back to me.

‘Yeah?’ I asked.

He nodded. ‘I wish I’d found my soulmate on my seventeenth birthday’ he admitted. ‘Wouldn’t you?’

‘No’ it came out harsher than intended, so I tried to explain myself. ‘When I turned seventeen I just got out of a relationship. And everything’s sweeter after a little waiting, right?’ I tried.

‘That’s true’ he smiled, but he still looked a little sad and I felt guilty for lying. ‘So, you are Marked?’

‘Yes’ my gaze dropped back to my textbook. ‘A yellow butterfly’ I lied, mumbling.

‘Pretty’ Peeta said, he sounded a bit disappointed and I felt so, _so_ , guilty.

 _I will tell him_ , I promised the universe. _Eventually._

I realised I hadn’t asked him yet how his break was, so after I did, Peeta filled the air between us with stories about his holiday. He’d worked in his parents bakery and visited his grandparents in Canada for a week, where he and his family had went Cross Country Skiing.

We studied in a comfortable silence for a while, until I broke it with a soft yelp when I got a papercut.

‘Are you okay?’ Peeta asked alarmed, concern filling his bright blue orbs.

‘I’m fine’ I answered. ‘Just a papercut’

‘Let me see’ he said and he softly took my small hand in his much larger one. His hand was so warm and so soft and something sparked within me, when his skin touched mine. I could feel my heart speed up and my stomach flip. I hoped he didn’t feel at that moment what I felt, because than it wouldn’t be long before he figured it out.. ‘I’m going to put a bandage on it’ he decided.

‘What?’ I asked confused, still a million miles away. ‘No, that’s not necessary Peeta’ I said, when his previous words came back to me. ‘It’s just a papercut, it’s hardly bleeding’

Peeta ignored my protests and suddenly my thumb was neatly wrapped in a bandage. ‘You carry those around with you?’ I asked, amused.

He chuckled. ‘That’s how you thank someone that just stopped you from bleeding out?’ he joked and I rolled my eyes at him.

‘You just don’t seem like the type of guy who needs to carry around bandages. Are you that clumsy?’ I teased, smiling.

He laughed again and my ears enjoyed the sound way too much for my liking. ‘No, but they can always come in handy. You have to agree after today’

‘Well, I’m sure I would’ve been fine, but thank you’ I smiled.

‘You’re welcome’ he gave me a sweet smile.

‘What more do you carry around in that bag of yours?’ I asked, hoping to break the eye contact we had, with some talk. No one who knew me would ever describe me as talkative (or social), but Peeta made me want to keep the conversation going. ‘If you have some of those cheesebuns in your bag, I’ll be very pissed if you’re keeping them from me’

Peeta smiled. ‘I have to disappoint you there. There are no baked goods in my bag’

‘Gods, and I thought that would be the _one_ plus by befriending a baker’ I mock complained and I was rewarded with another chuckle.

‘I promise you I’ll bring them next time’

‘I’ll bring the coffee’ I said.

And suddenly it became a thing; studying with Peeta every week. He brought the cheesebuns, I brought coffee, and we talked and did our homework together. It was really nice.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Look who it is’ Finnick said smiling, when he walked into my dorm room. ‘My favourite soulmate’s best friend’

‘What?’

Finnick shrugged. ‘Made more sense in my head’ he admitted. ‘Do you have a minute?’

‘Well, it would be rude if I kicked you out now, wouldn’t it?’ I said, smiling, and I put my new guitar next to me on my bed.

‘Very’ he agreed and he sat down on my desk chair.

Finnick and I were friends, more for Annie than anything else, but I did like the guy. He may have been a bit arrogant, but he was also kind, loyal and he loved Annie more than his own life. And we got along great every time we hung out, but this would be the first time the two of us were alone. So, I figured it could only mean one thing. He wanted to talk about Annie.

He didn’t.

‘I wanted to talk to you about Peeta’ Finnick started.

‘Excuse me?’ I asked surprised.

Finnick looked a little uncomfortable and gave me an awkward smile. ‘Listen Katniss, the guy really likes you, and I just wanted to make sure what your intentions are, so you won’t accidently break his heart’

‘My intentions?’ I parroted a little dumbstruck. ‘Does Annie know you’re here? Or Peeta?’

‘Neither one of them does, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to keep this conversation between the two of us?’ Finnick asked a little uncertain.

I just stared at him, heart beating a nervous beat, unsure of what he knew. Or what I was going to say.

‘Annie told me your soulmark is a yellow butterfly, and Peeta has a bird, so you two are obviously not soulmates’ Finnick started and I could feel my face heat up and an iron guilt settle in my stomach. At least my heart calmed down a bit. ‘but all of that soulmark stuff aside, Peeta likes you a lot and I don’t want you to string him along if you’re not interested’

‘I’m not!’ I said fierce. ‘We’re friends, and I would never do something like that!’

‘That’s great, but if you’re only interested in being friends, he should know. He doesn’t deserve the false hope’

‘Finnick I appreciate you having Peeta’s back, but this really is none of your business. I like Peeta, a lot, and I’m not planning on hurting him. Only getting to know him better, okay?’ I said with in a tense tone.

Finnick nodded, looking pleased. ‘I just wanted to make sure’ he got out of my desk chair, but didn’t leave immediately. ‘I’m sorry if I offended you, but Peeta’s to me like Annie is to you, you know?’

‘You didn’t’ I assured him. ‘And I would’ve broken down your door too if I wasn’t sure about your intentions with Annie’

‘I know’ he smiled. ‘That’s why I like you’

Finnick left with the words that he’d see me the day after at the bar and I picked up my guitar again, teaching myself the chords to Johnny Cash’s song “Walk The Line”.

 

* * *

 

 

Peeta found out about my soulmark just like I had with his; by accident.

It was a couple of weeks after my conversation with Finnick and Peeta and I had grown a lot closer since I learned we were a Match. I used to think he was a shallow player, but since we befriended each other, I hadn’t seen him with another girl. And I learned he was way more than that persona.

Peeta was kind, sweet and gentle, but strong enough to handle a spitfire like me. Peeta was a swimmer and a baker who loved to draw and was way more talented than anyone I’d ever met. He was funny and smart, but he was absolutely clueless where biology is concerned.

I seemed to ground him and he made me believe anything was possible. That everything was going to be okay. Peeta made me feel hopeful.

We saw each other at least twice a week. On Wednesdays we studied together in the campus’ library and on Saturdays we saw each other again with our friends.

I saw his eyes drop to my collarbone where my mark was a couple of times, but I always carefully hid my soulmark by a piece of clothing, and it was never the right moment to confirm his suspicions when we were out with our gang.

Every day I felt guiltier than the day before, and I was trying to come up with the perfect way to tell him that we were soulmates, but in the end, fate had decided for me.

It was on a Wednesday and I was running late to our study date. I had just come out of the shower and all of my clothes were filthy, so I quickly put on jeans, a vest and a low-cut shirt of Madge.

 **Peeta 3:13pm:** _I’m already here_

 **3:23pm:** _Cheesebuns are getting cold Kat or should I just eat them?_ :P

 **YOU 3:26pm:** _Nooooo don’t eat them, I’ll be there in 5_

I didn’t have time to blow-dry my hair or braid it and I was so worried about the white shirt being see-through, that I forgot to cover my soulmark with a layer of foundation or grab one of twenty scarfs. I put on my sneakers, grabbed my books and left in a hurry.

‘I’m sorry I’m late’ I told Peeta, out of breath, when I finally arrived.

He smiled at me. ‘It’s fine, I’m glad you’re here’

‘Shit!’ I cursed. ‘I forgot to get the coffees..’

Peeta chuckled. ‘It’s fine. We can go grab coffee later?’ hope had replaced amusement in his bright blue eyes and my breath hitched in my throat.

‘Sounds like a plan’ I smiled and I opened my books on the table.

We studied in silence and I nibbled at my cheesebun, which was now cold, but still delicious.

I was so laser focused on my studies that Peeta’s question about me having a tattoo confused me. ‘What? No’ I mumbled, eyes still reading the text in my textbook.

‘…Katniss?’ he said after a sharp inhale of air. He sounded hopeful, but unsure, and when I looked up, his eyes, as wide as saucers, were glued to my collarbone. _Crap.._

Peeta carefully leaned over the table, softly moved my hair from my soulmark with his fingers and uncovered the head of my colourless linnet. Of _his_ colourless linnet.

‘I hoped it was you..’ he whispered, smiling brightly, eyes filled with relieve and joy.

‘I’m sorry’ I whispered and his eyes flew to mine.

‘You knew?’ he asked, surprised.

‘I found out at your match against the Capitol Crocodiles’ I confessed. ‘But I wasn’t ready yet for you to know. I wanted to fall in love with you on my own, without the pressure of having to do so because we’re each other’s one true love. And I barely knew you..’ I explained. ‘I’m sorry, please don’t be upset..’

‘I’m not’ he said gentle and he softly shook his head. ‘Are you ready now?’ he asked hopeful.

My lips turned into a smile. ‘I am’ I promised. Because I was. I was ready to be with him, to fall even deeper in love with him than I already was.

‘Good’ he breathed, still grinning and I found my lips returning his grin. ‘So, you’ll go out with me tomorrow?’

‘Tomorrow’s February 14th’ I noted. ‘You really want the anniversary of our first date to be on Valentine’s Day?’ I teased.

‘Seems kind of cheesy’ Peeta agreed. ‘Then what about that coffee we’re taking now?’

‘Perfect’ I said. We grabbed our books and got up.

 

Our coffee date was indeed perfect and not a moment too soon. Peeta and I really were a match made in heaven.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter I remembered how much I love this 'verse, so I decided to continue it! You should keep an eye open for it if you want more! :D 
> 
> If you're looking for some fluffy one-shots, I have a couple waiting for you in [Blue Skies Are Coming](http://archiveofourown.org/series/467992)! Writing those was so much fun, so I hope you'll feel that too when you're reading them :) 
> 
> I finally joined tumblr (like 2 minutes ago..). I'm not following anyone yet, so come find me, and we can bother each other! :D I'm [goldenlotusdreamer](http://goldenlotusdreamer.tumblr.com/) :) 
> 
> As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts! xx
> 
> (And aren't Prim and Rue the cutest?❤️)


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